...I mean seriously...
Auditions were held from 4-7, however last time they held audition there you could get there at anytime and things were done in groups... this time, not so much.
I got there around 5:45pm, filled out the audition sheet and join the dance portion pretty late in the game. Once I joined they worked for another 5mins or so then took a break when I was informed that I was the only one who needed to sing and that I could do it after the dance audition. Lovely. So, I used the break to go over the song with the accompiantist and after the break we danced for a short while longer and then did the main dance audition-- considering I had half the time everyone else did to learn it I think I did alright. Then everyone sat down, was thanked and right before being dismissed I was asked to sing. Now, granted I need the experience I didn't mind singing in front of alllll those people... given the fact that I've only every had 1 other vocal audition I was sweating bullets.
So, I got up and began singing my song and within the first 3 lines I skipped to the end. (It's the same tune and I was nervous, don't judge me.) So, I re-grouped and began again... now, I have this thing about the piano being too loud and having to sing over it and it's ALWAYS a bad thing because this means I use my chest voice, which wouldn't be a problem if I could sing higher notes in my chest-- but I can't. So, I sang and sang and cracked a note, but re-couped and sang and sang and all the while I feel and hear myself and I am totally OFFFFFF (at least I think?) and then toward the end I lost my place, lost the words and totally blanked at which point I am listening to the piano trying to figure out where I am but can't because it's the FIRST TIME I've ever heard the piano accompianment and I began edging back to the piano when I recognize the last line and belt it. (Did I mention that I was shaking voilently throught this whole thing? I had to lock my arms and plant both feet because every time I began to take a step my lifting leg would shake BAD and I'd feel like I was going to fall over.)
I know my voice was shaky, hopefully they could tell it was nerves. The bad thing is that I SUCK at auditions but once I am cast and in the company of my cast mates I am totally fine. It's SOOOO frustrating!
So, I begin walking offstage and the director complimented me on my loosing place but "holding it together" and finding my way back. Holding it together... if he only knew.
When we were released I spoke with the pianst who said I was fine until the end where I lost it. Fine? Define fine, because fine would be GREAT if it meant not cracking, not going off pitch or out of key. (Shaky voice even could be fine.) But I don't think it was fine; I think he was being nice. The truth hurts, but when it comes to things-- especially my performing give it to me straight because though it may frustrate me or make me upset or even make me tear up I NEED TO KNOW because if I don't I cannot get better. Constructive crisicism is key.
Oh! and I am doing good on my diet still! It's only been 4 days, but that is probably a record for me! And it's exciting, I'm excited, I am gonna do it!
Okay, I am done.
***blackout***